Walking Strong
by 101raysofsun
Summary: Continuation after Season 3. The group is adjusting to their new members, but are they becoming too comfortable? The Governor is still out there. However, it's easy to become distracted especially with new romances blooming. "I want it to be awkward when it happens. I want it to be really awkward... I don't think he's figured out women." -Norman Reedus (Daryl Dixon)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yes it is… it's another fanfic about Caryl! But it's so hard not to want those two to get together. They're two wounded people brought together by their scars and the show does a wonderful job of creating a beautiful friendship between the two. However, it's time for something more. **

**I decided to go with the idea given to me by none other than Daryl Dixon aka Norman Reedus! In an interview when he was asked if Daryl and Carol would get together, he said if they did he wanted it to be awkward and he wanted Carol to make the first move. So I'm trying to play off of that. I think their relationship is already on such deep emotional level that a romantic relationship is imminent.**

**This first chapter is mostly building the story. I'm going to write from both Carol and Daryl's perspectives but I'm not sure if I will keep both. It's much easier to write from Carol's vantage point because she's a less complex character than Daryl. It's easy to get lost in the redneck aspect of Daryl when I'm writing him and I don't want to ruin the integrity of his character, so let me know what you think! (That's also why Daryl's part is much shorter). **

**Anyway, this story will have a plot other than Carol and Daryl hopefully coming together in something more than friendship so it doesn't get boring and repetitive.**

**Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading! ;)**

Carol

It's loud in here and I love it. How long has it been since the echoes of voices and laughter filled any place? I follow the sounds of happy people, people who, up until a month ago, had nothing. Their leader turned against them and abandoned them, though I suspect he was never truly on their side to begin with. Thanks to the kindness of Rick, they were spared the horrific lifetime of fighting every day for survival that so many of us have already experienced. Of course, there was some resistance initially. To take on so many people, especially ones who couldn't easily fend for themselves, was seen as a hindrance to our group's wellbeing. But over time we adjusted. I would be miserably wrong to say nobody has found a friend among our newest members.

Several smiling faces greet me when I finally reach the cellblock. We keep the two groups separate for the purpose of having enough space, although it's also a relief at the end of the day to return to the original family.

"Carol! There you are. I'm not getting any younger over here. Come help a sister out," an elderly woman calls from one of the bunks. I follow her voice.

"Good morning, Aurelia," I say, smiling. Aurelia is one of my favorite people in the prison. Her stubbornness and refusal to let the decline of the world ruin her day is almost painfully refreshing after all the suffering and loss that our group has been through. Each morning, I take her out for a walk. Beth does the same with a couple others, but not many are still mobile enough to get exercise. Of course, they have the children to keep them on their toes.

It's fitting that I ended up with the task of caretaker. No matter what, I'll always be a mother at heart. I'll always have those instincts that tell me to protect the vulnerable first and myself last. Aurelia's company lessens the aching pain from where Sophia's passing left a hole in my heart. I fill my lungs with the fresh Georgia air as we slowly walk through the prison doors. Aurelia hobbles along at a steady pace next to me, her arm linked through mine. I glance up at the guard tower where Daryl paces, watching for any walkers that look out of line. He holds his crossbow loosely at his side, the muscles in his arm slack, but I know him well enough not to call him relaxed. No matter how calm or laidback he acts, his mind is always running on full speed. Not everyone sees it, but I do. There's more to his thoughts than he lets on.

Daryl catches my eye and I wave. He inclines his head in my direction and then goes back to guard duty, but I know he's keeping me in his peripherals. I feel his gaze on my back every time I go outside the prison walls. And it's not unwelcome. In fact, it's so welcome I'm almost afraid of it. It's been so long since someone has had my back like that. I know the rest of the group does, of course. We're all looking out for each other, but some more than others. Glenn looks after Maggie and vice versa, Hershel keeps a keen eye on his daughters, and Rick won't go a day without reminding Carl and Judith that he loves them. He was afraid to tell Lori before she passed and every day he lives with that regret. I think he's afraid _not_ to say it now.

"You're thinking awful hard about something," Aurelia comments, not moving her gaze from the field in front of us.

I sigh. "Do you have any regrets, Aurelia? Anything that just eats away at you day after day?"

She chuckles. "That's no way to live, honey. I've seen good and I've seen bad. I've done good and I've done bad. I know there are better directions my life could have gone, but I also know that there are worse. And I content myself with knowing that I didn't end up on those paths. You see, if we always wonder what could have been, we'll never notice what is _being_ until it's passed us by."

I nod. "Live in the present."

"Don't you dare make my advice a cliché," Aurelia warns jokingly.

I smile. "I don't think that's possible. The amount of wisdom you have is unfair."

"Well, honey, when you get as old as me that's all you've got going for you. Besides my killer body and devastatingly good looks."

I squeeze her arm affectionately. "You mean your arthritis and wrinkles."

Aurelia pretends to look offended. "Are you calling me old?'

"You're the one who said you're not getting any younger."

"Better watch out. Once your hair turns grey, your mind is next to go."

I run my fingers through my cropped haircut. "It's not grey, it's silver."

Aurelia snorts. "Whatever you old hag. I've still got my youth." And with that she releases my arm and trots into the prison, ending our walk.

After lunch, I carry a basket through the cellblock, collecting the dirty clothes piled on each bunk. It's laundry day and it's my turn to do it. I trade off with Beth. I've become close to her and her sister over the past few weeks. We all realized the company of other women is needed when we're surrounded by men all day. Our knights in shining armor, we call them. I smile to myself as I reach Carl's bunk. He has one shirt laid out that I think started out a pale blue but has since turned brown with dirt and grime. I can't blame him for his less than sanitary habit of wearing the same underwear for weeks and only changing his clothes once they become glued to his body with sweat and muck. He's a teenage boy. I remember listening to Sophia's third grade teacher joke about the 'yucky years'. Carl is definitely going through that phase.

When I arrive at Daryl's cell, I find him taking apart an arrow on his mattress.

"It's not enough to appreciate the arrow's outer beauty, you have to undress it too?" I smile.

Daryl looks up at me, squinting in the sunlight streaming in through the windows across the way. "Huh?"

I shake my head. "Never mind." It's easy to forget that jokes are lost on Daryl. "I'm here to collect." I hold up the laundry basket.

He looks around the cell. There's a pair of grungy looking jeans on the floor. "Those are gettin' pretty smelly." He nods to them. Always ready to impress the ladies, I see. I peel the jeans off the floor and toss them in the basket. "Is that all?"

He nods and goes back to his arrow. "Thank ya, ma'am."

"'Ma'am'? Oh Daryl stop it," I tease as I turn away. I can feel his confused expression follow me out of the cell.

That's one of my favorite parts about Daryl. No matter how rough and tough he is, underneath he's still just a man who gets flustered by women. There's something incredibly redeeming about that innocence. I never thought I would pair that word with Daryl, but the longer I'm around him the truer it seems.

I begin scrubbing the dirt stains out of a pair of cargo pants. Glenn found some heavy-duty bar soap on one of his runs that we use for laundry because it's too harsh to bathe with. The first few times I used it, my hands were scrubbed raw. But now I've built up some calluses and it's no longer a problem. Carl and Maggie thought it was funny for some reason that that's where my calluses came from. I walked around with the nickname Tough-Titties Washerwoman, courtesy of Daryl for some time afterward. He has a habit of nicknaming things. For instance, Judith was dubbed Lil' Asskicker before she even had a real name. I think it's his way of laying claim to the people he cares about.

"Need any help?"

I turn to find Maggie behind me, brushing dust off her pants. I smile, "Sure. If you can stand to lower yourself to the task of washing clothes."

"Don't you go talkin' like that, Carol. Your jobs are just as important as beatin' those walkers with a pipe. We'd all stink to high heavens without you."

I shrug. "We all stink to high heavens anyway."

Maggie nudges my arm. "Just you, Tough-Titties."

I laugh and so does she. I suppose with adversity comes unexpected friendships, and I'm incredibly thankful for ours.

Daryl

This is some real bullshit. I get that Rick is being a good leader and preserving humanity, but damn if I don't wake up eighty times a night to some kid crying because they pissed themselves. The other day I had to help this old lady cross the prison yard because the sunlight wasn't right for her to knit in. Where the hell did she even find knitting sticks? I told Rick we should put her with Glenn to go into town and get stuff since she obviously knows where the goods are. He ain't takin' me seriously though.

I walk through the cellblock, _our_ cellblock. We cleared out the one 'cross the way for all the old people and babies. Carol's made herself a nice hobby takin' care of them. And Beth. I don't get how they can be around helplessness for that long. The only tiny person I give a damn about is Lil' Asskicker. That's Rick's baby, though, so she's got somethin' special in her.

I sit down next to Carl. He's the only other person here. Glenn and Maggie are on guard duty, which means they're havin' sex like rabbits and ain't nobody gonna be saved from their watchful eyes, and Hershel and Rick took one of the Woodbury soldiers out to get supplies.

Carl's a weird kid. Ever since his momma died he's turned into a man. I keep expecting to see a beard bust out of his chin. The problem is I think he ain't growing up right. I mean who can with all this shit going on? But ever since Carl shot that boy who was surrendering in the face, he ain't been right. Kid left his compassion to die with Lori.

"Hey, Daryl? Will you take me hunting? I want to catch a squirrel and eat it."

"You think your daddy'll want you to have a reason to be out pissin' around in the woods? It still ain't safe out there."

Carl gets all huffy and stands up. "Fine I'll go ask his permission." He says 'permission' like it's a dirty word. Well excuse me for tryin' to do right by Rick. He's been a good man and I respect him. Sometimes Carl can be a real shit 'bout it though and that gets under my skin. In fact, I'm not in such a good mood anymore and I stomp out of the cellblock.

I find Glenn and Maggie actually doing what they're supposed to, which ain't each other. Imagine my surprise.

"Get goin', it's my turn to take watch." I take their place in the guard tower.

It's gettin' dark by the time Carol finds me. She's got a cup of somethin' that smells like soup that just ain't right.

"What is it?" I ask, takin' the cup from her.

"Carl wanted to make dinner." She watches me sniff the stuff and then take a sip. I cough and spit over the railin'. "Tastes like ass," I say, givin' the cup back to her.

"And how would you know that?" Carol's got this look on her face like I'm bein' simple and missin' somethin' funny. She does that a lot, tells jokes. They're bad ones and half the time, I don't get 'em, but at least she's tryin'. Ain't enough of that left.

She dumps the ass soup over the railin' and comes to stand by me. That's cool. It's cool when me and Carol get to hang out. She ain't pushy or whiny or stupid. I know sometimes the things that come out of my mouth are the dumbest shit anybody's ever heard, but not Carol. She don't say stupid things. Tonight she ain't sayin' anything. And it's real peaceful. We stand there for a time, not talkin', just watchin'. Then she gives my arm a squeeze and says goodnight. Her hand is rough and I remember why. "Night, Tough-Titties."

"That's the second time today," I hear her say as she leaves. And like most times, I'm wonderin' what she's talkin' about. That's a nice thing though. She keeps ya guessin'.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yay! Thank you to those who left reviews and for my followers! I know I've only written one chapter (besides this one), but I'm already really excited about where I'm going to take this. That's probably why I busted out another chapter today. I have a couple ideas I'm juggling around so I'm going to feel my way through these first few chapters. But your support means a lot! I love writing for you guys.**

**First of all, I feel like I need to explain the context a little better. This does take place after the Season 3 finale, but I'm leaving out Michonne so I can focus more on Carol/Daryl building and not the building of her character's role in the group. **

**Also, I decided to stick with writing in both Carol and Daryl's voices for now. I think it gives more dimension to the story and though writing Daryl's part is hard, I enjoy a challenge ;) I'm experimenting with what goes on inside his head. Let me know how that is.**

**Okay… here it is, Chapter 2! (I'm also considering titling the chapters)**

**Thanks for reading ;)**

Carol

I watch Carl's head bob in front of me as he leads me into town. Maggie wanted to spend the day with her father and Beth helping out around the prison, so Glenn took me along to pick up supplies. We're running low on baby formula and Carl made sure everybody knew that he was coming because Judith is his baby sister and that's his job. It was endearing. He's really such a sweet kid, but sometimes I think he gets lost in all the turmoil around him. I notice he's wearing the same grubby t-shirt he was the day before.

"Carl, what happened to that shirt I washed for you yesterday?"

He shrugs. "I think I put it away. Why?"

"Don't you think wearing something clean would be a little more comfortable?"

Carl turns around to face me, continuing to walk backward. "Maybe. But really, Carol, there's no time to change these days. I've been really busy lately." He turns back around, walking tall. I smile. The boy is in such a rush to be an adult. I just hope for Rick's sake he doesn't grow up too fast.

"You're going to be really stinky, Carl," Glenn comments, scanning the street for homes that haven't already been looted.

"I can smell you from here," I add, winking at Glenn.

"No you can't!" Carl whines, but he does an underarm sniff just to check. His nose wrinkles and the corners of his mouth pull down. "Ew."

Glenn chuckles and points across the street. "That house looks promising."

There's a blue and white, one story house to the right of us. A minivan is parked in the driveway. I can just make out a baby carrier strapped into the backseat. I cross my fingers that there will be a least some baby clothes for Judith. She's in need of a new outfit. I wash it every day, but with the dirty conditions we live in, the dirt stains have set in. I'm afraid it's not safe for her to wear anymore.

Glenn takes the lead, opening the front door and drawing his knife on three walkers who have made a snack out of what's left of the former inhabitants. The smell of rotting flesh assails my nose, but I'm desensitized to it now. I wish I couldn't say that. I wish the putrid smell of decay made me sick; I wish it made me run away. But I've been around it so often that the smell is just another one I recognize, not one that makes me cringe. At least Carl has to pull his shirt up over his nose. "I don't smell this bad, at least," he says, his voice muffled by the fabric.

I help Glenn put a stop to the walkers by driving the blade of my knife up through a chin and in through an eye socket. Their bodies collapse on the floor and I wipe my knife on the armchair next to me. One or two walkers when I'm with the group no longer frighten me. It's the herds crawling around me while I'm alone in my nightmares that truly make me afraid.

Carl takes the stairs to the top level two at a time. "There's a nursery up here!" he calls down.

"I'll check the kitchen. You go help Carl," Glenn says, heading in that direction.

I follow the sound of Carl's voice upstairs. "Check this out." He holds up a pack of diapers in one hand and a brand new bottle, still in the packaging in the other.

"That's great, Carl. Did you see any formula?" I look through the dresser drawers. They're all empty. The changing table has been dismantled. I only hope Glenn found something in the kitchen.

The sky begins to darken and we drive back to the prison with only the diapers and bottle Carl found and several cans of food.

"We really hit a dud neighborhood today." Glenn sighs, eyeing the fuel gauge. "It almost wasn't worth it."

Carl pouts in the back seat, upset that he won't have anything much to show for his efforts. "I'm a disappointment as a big brother." He says it so calmly that I turn around.

"You found the only baby supplies we have with us. I think you did an excellent job."

He's not appeased, but his scowl fades.

We're halfway to the prison when Glenn slows, squinting into the dusk outside. "Do you see that?" he asks, pointing off to the side of the road. I expect to see walkers, but instead the orange flicker of a campfire catches my eye. It's hidden back among the trees, but there are several shadows moving around it. They walk tall and strong, not with the staggering gait of walkers.

"Looks like we stumbled upon someone's camp." Glenn cuts the headlights and rolls forward slowly.

I watch as we roll past. I count five different shadows, but there could be more. "Do you think they're a threat?"

"Might as well play it safe. Nobody is guaranteed to be friendly these days," Glenn says.

"It's too bad giving someone the benefit of the doubt is dangerous now. I used to have so much faith in people." I sigh, looking out the window.

"Me too," Carl mumbles. And that saddens me more than anything that this little boy has already lost faith in humanity at so young an age.

Dinner is a somber affair. No one is all that thrilled, especially with the meager amount of supplies we brought back. The squirrel soup is delicious though and I compliment Maggie on the cooking. She smiles at me across the table. "Daddy finally agreed to let me try. He thought I'd poison y'all."

"Well if this is poison then at least I'll die happy," Glenn says, winking at her and licking his spoon. There are several grunts of agreement. I savor the meal, trying to make it last. I'm on watch tonight and I know it's my turn but it's still not my favorite thing in the world. After such a disappointing day, I really just want to climb in bed.

"We drove past a camp on our way back," Glenn tells Rick. "Carol said there were five of them that she could see, but there might be more."

Rick sets his soup cup down and frowns. "You sure they were people and not walkers?"

"Unless walkers suddenly discovered how to make fire, then yes, I'm sure."

Rick nods. "Okay. Then we need to be on high alert the next few days. If they're near us then we run the risk of them coming across the prison. Of course, we're going to be civilized, but we don't know if they are dangerous are not. So until we're sure, we are going to treat them as a threat."

Everyone nods in agreement. Rick looks at me. "Carol, I want someone on watch with you tonight. I'd feel better if you weren't alone."

"I'll do it," Daryl volunteers. He's been silent all dinner so I didn't expect him to step up.

"You were on watch last night," Rick reminds him.

"So?" Daryl shrugs. "I don't mind. C'mon Carol. Let's get to it."

The night is brisk, but the cool breeze feels good after a particularly sweaty afternoon. "What day is it?" I wonder aloud.

"Don't matter," Daryl says. "All's that matters is that today is today and we ain't promised a tomorrow."

"Well aren't you just the optimist?" I give Daryl a small smile. He crumples his eyebrows at me. "Are you gonna give me pain-in-the-ass talk tonight or are you gonna be makin' some sense?"

I just shake my head. "Thank goodness for the others or I'd have no one to tell jokes to. You'd be a pain to…" I stop, knowing that even jokingly telling Daryl he's a burden will only make him feel lower.

"Live with?" he finishes. "I know. Why do you think my sonofabitch brother never came lookin' for me?" Daryl crosses to the other side of the guard tower.

"You said it, not me."

"Yeah, but you were 'bout to."

I sigh. Daryl is my closest friend here, but sometimes there's just no winning with him. I understand that the new group of people we've taken on hasn't been his favorite decision of Rick's. I realize now that maybe I shouldn't have been making light of the situation. Sometimes I forget how differently others feel. And I care about the things that bother Daryl. I cross over to where he's leaning on the rail, pointing his crossbow at imaginary targets. I lean on the rail next to him and angle my body toward him. "You know that's not true. Your brother probably looked like hell for you before..."

Daryl grunts. "Maybe. He weren't that loyal though."

"Well at least we have you. This group and Rick would be lost without you. I know he's the leader, but he looks up to you more than you realize."

He looks at me. "Must be true then, if you're sayin' it." His tone is genuine.

"I wouldn't lie to you."

He watches me for a short moment before turning back to his crossbow. "Good 'cause you suck at it." I see the corner of his mouth twitch up. Good. This feels better. This feels right again.

Daryl

She fell asleep. It's supposed to be her watch and she went and fell asleep. Thing is, I ain't even mad. Carol looks so… normal when she's sleepin'. Some people get this big puddle of drool goin' on or snore so loud the dogs bark. Not her. She just closes her eyes and dreams. I start to feel like a creep watchin' her, so I turn back to the outside world. There's some walkers bein' simple and walkin' into the fence over and over again. Not much has changed then for 'em. People do stupid shit 'cause they're stupid. Seems to carry over into bein' a walker. They were dumb before and they're even dumber now. I wanna yell at 'em, but I don't wanna wake Carol or attract attention so I think it to 'em. _You idiots. You can't get through that fence. Dumbasses. Look at you, tryin' so hard to do nothin'. You ain't goin' nowhere, son. _I startle myself with thinkin' of somethin' my dad said to me long time ago. We were sittin' on the porch. He was holdin' a beer and my face was newly bruised from the same fist that held his beer.

"Son," he slurred. "Boy, look at me when I'm talkin' to ya."

I turned and looked at his big, ugly face. He pointed a finger at me. It was shakin'. "You ain't goin' nowhere, son. Not now. Not never. Yer stupid and don't think twice that you ain't." Then he passed out and started snorin'. I guess I deserved that one a little. I'd slammed his hand in the front door 'cause I wasn't payin' attention and didn't know he was followin' me outside. He had a point. I ain't never been to school and most people think I'm dumb as rocks. Guess they're right.

I turn and crouch down next to Carol. I do it quietly so she don't wake up. Her eyes toss back and forth under their lids. She's dreamin' hard, but it must be a good one 'cause she don't make a sound. "You wouldn't call me stupid, would ya?" I ask. And she wouldn't. I know the answer. She don't have to say it. But that's 'cause Carol likes to see the good in people. I sometimes think she makes up things for me. Pretends like my stupid parts are actually quite nice or some bullshit. Thing is, she told me she wouldn't lie to me. And I believe that more than I believe a lot of things.

"Daryl." Her voice damn near makes me piss myself. "I can't sleep with you starin' at me." She opens her eyes a little and smiles that smile that can go anywhere it wants to 'cause it's so nice.

"I thought you were asleep," I say. Now I'm all uncomfortable 'cause I don't want her to know I was watchin' her. "And I wasn't starin' at you. You just got shit on your face and it was distractin'." Which is a lie 'cause her face is clean as a nun's underpants. She starts wipin' at it, all embarrassed. "Did I get it off?" she asks.

"Sure. It's gone."

She stands up, dustin' her pants off. "Sorry I dozed off. It's been a long day."

"I'm guessin' it's early mornin' of the next day now. Maybe this one won't be so long." I'm tryin' to make her feel better, but I don't have the slightest clue how. I don't mess around with personal problems all that often. But she smiles again. "Thanks, Daryl."

We sit quiet for a while, danglin' our legs through the rail. The sun starts showin' around the edges of the sky and I yawn.

"Well, good morning," Carol says all pleasant. How she keeps bein' this happy after stayin' up all night is beyond me. I just grunt, but then I feel like a caveman. I feel that way most of the time when I can't think of things to say. A grunt usually covers it, but I know it makes me look like a straight dumbass.

Shit, when did I start thinkin' this much? Makes me feel girly. I stand up and scratch my crotch. That's more like it. Be a man, Daryl. I hold my other hand out to Carol. Least I'm decent enough not to offer my crotch-scratchin' one. She takes it and I haul her off the floor.

Carl finds me as soon as I get inside. "Daryl, I asked my dad and he said I could go hunting with you."

"I don't remember invitin' you." I'm tired and wanna go to sleep. Spendin' the day with this little booger doesn't sound too nice right now.

"That's not fair! You said if I asked him, I could go."

I frown. "I did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Enough." Carol gives me a look. "Take Carl. He needs something to keep him occupied."

I scowl at her. "Woman don't test me."

She just chuckles and walks away, leavin' me with Carl. He looks so pouty and I don't want him bein' a brat to Rick so I say, "Fine. You got somethin' to hunt with?"

He nods all excited and shows me the knife he got tucked in his belt. "I'm ready to catch a squirrel."

What is it with this kid and squirrels?

After we take down the walkers right outside the fence, me and Carl wander into the woods. It's quiet and I focus on the tracks in front of me. There ain't much to go off of though and I lose the trail pretty quick. "Damn." I pace to a tree, lookin' for another trail.

"Are you looking for squirrel tracks?" Carl asks. "How can you even see them? Aren't their feet too small?"

"Kid if you wanna catch a squirrel you best shut your mouth."

He nods and pretends to zip his mouth. Wish I had some duct tape on me instead. We search pretty far out. We got to be at least two miles into the woods before we see a squirrel. It darts up a tree. Carl gets all excited and points. I lock my crossbow onto it and let fly. The squirrel falls out of the tree and lands at Carl's feet. He picks it up and looks at it. "Cool. When can I kill one?"

"Today, you're observing."

He stomps his foot. "I want to hunt."

"The first step to huntin' is learnin'. Now shut up or I'm sendin' you back."

The sun is fadin' when we get back to the prison. Carl runs ahead, a string of squirrels hangin' down his back. Rick meets us at the gate to let us in.

"Dad! I stabbed a squirrel in the eye today," Carl shouts, runnin' past him. Rick gives me a look. "What is it with that kid and squirrels?"

I shrug. "He's your boy. Musta got it from you."

Rick pats me on the shoulder. "Thanks for takin' him out."

"No problem."

I don't eat dinner. I'm sleepin' tonight and I ain't gettin' up until the same time tomorrow. I settle on my bunk and close my eyes.

_The barn doors swing open. A tiny figure steps out on wobbly legs._

"_Sophia!" Carol shouts, running at her daughter. _

_Sophia looks up and tears of relief spill down her cheeks. "Mommy!" She stumbles over the bodies of the walkers she shared the barn with. Carol reaches her and scoops her up, kissing her face. I watch as Sophia turns her face to me and smiles. But there's something wrong with her smile. Her teeth look odd. I get closer and realize they're not normal teeth, but pointy and long. She grins wider and turns to Carol._

"_No!" I shout as she sinks her teeth into Carol's neck. _

_Carol screams, blood trickling from her wound. She pushes Sophia away and grabs her gun out of the waistband of her pants. She aims it at Sophia's head and pulls the trigger without hesitation. Then she turns and walks over to me almost robotically. _

"_Here." She presses the gun into my palm and wraps my fingers around it. Still holding onto my hand, she pulls the gun up so that the barrel is pressed against her temple. "It's better this way." She smiles and before I have time to register what she's doing, she puts her finger over mine and pushes down, forcing me to pull the trigger._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: These first few chapters have been mostly about establishing the relationship between the characters. I'm still trying to figure out what that Caryl moment is going to be that finally pushes them over the edge. I think they really care about each other but haven't ever viewed it romantically (especially not Daryl).**

**I don't like the way I've sometimes seen Daryl portrayed. He seems almost like a child when he's around Carol. I hate that his badassness gets lost so I'm going to do my best to preserve that part of him.**

**Thanks for reading!**

_What do I stand for?_

_Most nights, I don't know anymore._

_-Fun., Some Nights_

Carol

Aurelia isn't in the cellblock when I go to get her for our morning walk. My first reaction is panic that she passed away in the night, but one of her friends informs me that one of their own has already taken her. I know I don't have any sort of claim over Aurelia, but I find myself annoyed that someone else took her out. Don't they know we have a schedule? I wander out into the prison yard and scan it. Aurelia is standing with a man near the fence. As I get closer I see that he is my age, maybe younger with what must have once been a military buzz cut, but it has since grown into silver peach fuzz on his head. Aurelia turns at the sound of my footsteps.

"Carol!"

"Good morning, Aurelia," I say still staring at the man next to her.

Aurelia notices and flutters her hands. "Excuse the disappearance of my manners. Carol, this is Mark. Mark is one of the few soldiers that escaped the Governor. Mark, this is Carol. She's my usual walking partner."

The soldier, Mark, nods a greeting to me. "Morning." He's incredibly tall and broad. Dusky green eyes watch me from underneath dark eyebrows. He is a handsome man; I'll give him that. But looks don't excuse the fact that he took Aurelia out without telling me.

"Next time tell me before you take Aurelia out. I was worried when I didn't see her in the cellblock."

"Yes ma'am," Mark says. "Of course if taking Miss Aurelia out gets your attention, then I might not stop."

I flounder at that. It's been quite a while since a man flirted with me—and in a decent way. Ed never said sweet things unless he was mocking me or needed something done. I haven't felt wanted in so long that I try to hide my pleased smile. "Don't push your luck."

"It's worth the risk." Mark winks at me.

Aurelia gives me a slap on the butt. "I say hop on it! I'll walk myself inside. You two have a nice chat." She's never been one for subtlety.

Mark chuckles at Aurelia's retreating form. "I like a woman that speaks her mind."

"How come I haven't seen you around before?" I ask. I would have remembered a face like Mark's.

"I'm on guard duty almost twenty four seven for the other cellblock. I practically live in the guard tower on the other side." He hooks his fingers in the chain-link fence surrounding the prison yard, drawing the attention of a couple walkers. They're too far away to do any harm so he ignores them. "I'm sure you don't hear much about what's going on over there. We decided to try and fix a couple of breaks in the fence. That's where the walkers are getting in."

"There are walkers in the prison still?" That's news to me. I thought we had cleared them all out when we moved the Woodbury group in.

Mark nods. "Only a few. We catch most of them before they get through the fence, but every now and then one slips through. Don't you worry your pretty head about it, though. We've got it covered."

"I wonder why Rick didn't mention anything."

"He doesn't want to cause unnecessary worry."

I sigh. "Still, he shouldn't have to keep all that to himself. The man already has enough weight on his shoulders."

"I heard about what happened to his wife. Lori was it?"

I nod. Despite her bitchy attitude, Lori had been a good friend to me. And I miss her every day. "That was a huge blow to the group. Several of us were close with her." I'm amazed at how I can talk about Lori's passing so matter-of-fact like.

"Were you close with her?"

"Yes I was."

Mark puts a strong hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. Losing someone is never easy, especially now when it can happen so readily."

I nod in agreement. "Of course we can't dwell on that. If all we thought about was death, I believe we'd all go crazy."

"Who's to say we haven't already?"

I look at him. "What do you mean?"

He gestures to the prison behind us. "We work so hard to find food and to stay safe. How crazy are we to be so adamant about living in such a broken world?"

I shake my head. "I don't think it has anything to do with being crazy. It's human instinct to survive no matter what the scenery."

Mark gives me a long, hard look that seems far too intimate for having just met him. "You have a beautiful outlook on life," he says finally. He smiles and a dimple surfaces on either cheek, contrasting with his otherwise rugged physique. I try not to stare. "I suppose life has forced me into that kind of thinking. I'm always awed by the good I can find in anything, in anyone, if I look close enough."

"And have you looked close enough," Mark pauses and takes a step closer. "To see the good in me?"

I want to stomp my foot at the blood rushing to my cheeks. _Stop blushing! You're acting like a schoolgirl_. "I think we might need to spend more time together before that happens. But it looks promising." I smile. It feels good to know my flirting won't be lost on Mark, unlike with—I stop myself. I was going to say unlike with Daryl. But that isn't fair at all. Daryl is my dearest friend and why should it bother me that he doesn't return my playfulness? I try to brush away the sudden tightening in my stomach as excitement from being near Mark, but I know that's not the reason.

Mark looks up at the sky. "It's nearly noon. I've got to get back on watch." He turns to me. "I'll see you around, Carol. Hopefully sooner than later." There's another flash of his handsome smile and then he's gone.

"Hopefully," I manage to squeak out. I want to bang my head on a pile of rocks. I've only had one conversation with Mark and already I'm jumping around inside at the prospect of male attention. I guess in this world it's hard to come by, but I'm still upset at how crazy excited I feel. I decide taking my issue to Maggie wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. After all, she is the only one here with a significant other.

"Carol has a crush?" Maggie says a little too loudly. We're sitting on her bunk, legs hanging over the edge.

"Sh!" I put a finger to my lips. "It's not a crush… it's a romantic interest."

"Oh please." Maggie rolls her eyes. "You bounced in here like a girl that just got asked to the homecomin' dance by the boy of her dreams. It's a crush and you know it."

I shake my head. "He's a handsome man, but I'm far from letting it go to my head."

"And why shouldn't you?" Maggie says, suddenly serious. "Carol, you have worked so hard for this group, doing the little things that everybody else would have forgotten. You fill in the cracks. We would slip away without you. You deserve this. From what I hear 'bout Ed, it's high time you found yourself a real man." She takes in my skeptical expression. "We're safe here…for now," she amends. "Go do something for yourself. Let yourself be happy, Carol. If you do, then we'll all be happier to see you in high spirits. I'm not tellin' you to fall in love, just have a little fun for once. You're going to get grouchy if you don't let loose every now and then."

I smile at her. "I'm so grateful to you, Maggie. Thank you." I give her hand a squeeze before I leave the cell. Her words give me a bit of comfort, but there's still something gnawing at me. I can't pinpoint the reason why, but I almost feel guilty for flirting with Mark. Like I'm cheating on someone. _Ed is dead. _I tell myself. _You aren't cheating anyone but yourself if you let this one get away_. I straighten my shoulders and head to the guard tower. Maybe my turn on watch will give me time to think.

I meet Daryl in the guard tower. He's leaning against the rail, chewing on the end of an arrow. I try not to think about how many walkers it's been in. "Hey," I say.

He looks over at me. "Hey."

"I'm here to relieve you of your duties."

"That ain't necessary. I'm stayin' up here with ya." He turns and spits over the railing.

"Daryl, you've been out here for hours. You deserve a break."

"I ain't got nothin' else to do."

"No more squirrels to hunt?"

"I'm tired of huntin'."

I give him a look. "What's going on?"

"What d'ya mean?" He sits down and slides his legs through the railing. "We're guardin'. Come sit down here and do your job."

I take a seat next to him, fitting my legs through the rails. His arm muscles are tense and he's gripping the crossbow a little too fiercely. Something's bothering him. "Are you alright?" I ask.

Daryl casts me a sideways glance. "Peachy."

"Quit shuttin' me out, Daryl."

He sighs. "Ain't nothin' goin' on. Just been a long day and I wanna—I haven't seen ya today and I—your absence was, uh, noticed. Alright? Did ya have to make me say it? Now quit pesterin' me."

"And they say you don't know how to flatter a woman." I smile at him.

He gives me a face that's the adult version of sticking his tongue out, but his arms relax slightly.

Daryl

Sometimes Carol notices shit so fast it scares me. She sees I'm upset. I'm upset 'cause I ain't ever had a nightmare that felt so real. Watchin' Carol die hurt me somethin' awful. Even if it wasn't real. And now I'm afraid of her. 'Cause she could do that to me. She got the ability to leave and make me crawl outta my skin tryin' to find her. I ain't never gonna tell her that, though. No person should know they got that kinda power over someone else. But I decided I needa watch her more closely. I got to make sure she stays around. 'Cause I don't want her gettin' hurt as bad as I don't want me gettin' hurt. I'm also pissed at my brain for thinkin' so much. Used to be I just felt one thing: anger. Now I gone and become a girl with all my feelin's and shit.

"Do you know who Mark is?" Carol asks.

"Huh?" The hell did she pull that from?

"Guess not." She smiles a little.

"You gonna tell me?"

"He's just a man I met today. One of the soldiers from Woodbury."

"And?" I don't know what's she's gettin' at.

"If you promise not to be so grumpy I'll tell you." She gives me that look that says I ain't got her fooled. I hate that look. Makes me feel like she can see my insides. I grumble a little. She pats my leg. "C'mon. Cheer up. I don't want to hang out with a grouch."

"Quit tellin' me what to do. I'll be how I wanna be."

"You're doing it again." She picks at a string that's hangin' from my jeans.

"Doin' what?"

"Shuttin' me out." Those smart eyes look me up and down. "Are you going to tell me what's really bothering you or do I have to guess?"

I huff. Woman wouldn't let me slip away even if I tried. And I did once, but she stopped me. Good thing, too. This group ain't half as shitty as I thought. "Leave it be," I say. But it don't come out as harsh.

"Alright." She keeps pickin' at that damn string.

"You keep doin' that, you're bound to undo my whole pants."

"Let's hope so." She gives me a wink. What the hell? Woman is a breed of her own.

"Daryl?" Carol drops my pant string. "Do you think I could—do you think a man—am I pretty?" she finishes all awkward. This gets me by surprise. I ain't never had to listen to her girly talk before.

"Well, I uh—you ain't ugly." She ain't ugly by a long shot. I ain't been around too many women in my life, but she's one of the easier ones to look at straight on. Some of 'em you gotta just see out the corner of your eye or it'll scare ya. "Why you askin'?" Why you askin' _me_?

"Remember the guy I mentioned? Mark?" I nod. "Well he was flirtin' with me earlier and I just thought maybe I should—" She stops and looks at me. "Do you think I should go for it?"

"Go for it?" Woman needs to start makin' sense.

"I mean, I think it would be nice to have a… a man." She fidgets. Oh now I see where this is goin'.

"You mean for sex and stuff?"

She laughs. "I mean for companionship and sex… maybe. It wouldn't be unwelcome." She gives me a look. I been gettin' a lot of those lately.

"Do what you gotta do," I say, gettin' up. I don't know why, but I don't quite like the way this conversation is makin' me feel. Makes my stomach hurt.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm hungry. And your girly talk is makin' me tired." It's a lie, but I ain't keen to talk about this Mark person any longer.

Rick finds me as soon as I get back to the cellblock. "Daryl, I could use your help with somethin', you busy?"

I readjust my crossbow over my shoulder. "Nah, what's up?"

"A couple Woodbury soldiers found a break in the fence on their side of the prison. They thought they had it patched up, but apparently they missed a huge gap. A herd of walkers got in and they need some help gettin' rid of them."

"I ain't lettin' them leave alive if that's what you mean by gettin' rid of 'em," I say, pullin' my knife out of the front of my jeans.

Rick nods. "That's what I was hopin'."

We walk through the hallways leadin' to the other cellblock. "Thanks for taking Carl huntin' yesterday," Rick says. "Boy doesn't get out of this prison often enough."

I shrug. "Weren't a big deal."

"I sometimes think he likes you better." Rick laughs, but it don't sound right. "I haven't been the best father, treating him like he's still a child."

"You done right by that boy, he just don't realize it. He don't understand the decisions you made."

"I don't know, Daryl. The way he shot that boy in the face without hesitating, without thinking about what he was actually doin', it don't sit right with me."

"It's a fucked up world we're in. No kid is gonna grow up straight. Don't be blamin' yourself for somethin' you can't control."

"Thank you." Rick looks at me. "You have a lot more faith in me than I ever will."

Before it gets too friendly, we reach the bloodbath. Five military lookin' guys are shovin' their knives into the faces of a giant herd of walkers. One of 'em turns around and shouts at Rick. "We're doing the best we can, but there's so many of them."

"Have the others found the breach?"

The man shoutin' at Rick nods. "They're patching it up right now."

I walk through the guts splattered everywhere. This is my kinda party. I join the soldiers and start stabbin' walkers in the eye. It's my favorite place to hit 'em 'cause they almost always spurt blood on ya. One of the walkers grabs my arm. "Oh no ya don't you filthy bastard." I twist away and come around full circle to drive my knife into his grey head. The satisfyin' burst of blood catches me in my face. One of the girly walkers staggers toward me, gruntin' all angry. "Sorry sweetheart. Was that your boyfriend?" I push my knife up through her chin. "He weren't good enough for ya anyway," I say, lettin' her fall to my feet. Somethin' about killin' these asshole walkers makes me feel right again. Talkin' to Carol left me feelin' a little off. But I'm back in business now.

The walls are painted dark red when we finish. "I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to clean up this bitch," I say, kickin' a stray arm outta my way.

Rick chuckles. "Good work guys. Let's start haulin' bodies."

I go to grab the walker body at my feet when I notice there's a hand still grabbin' at my wrist. I musta torn it off that sorry bastard. I yank it off and put in my pocket. That'll freak someone out later on.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry it took me a while to get this chapter out! I was a little busy with job hunting and painting my bathroom :P**

**But here it is… chapter 4! Thank you guys for reading!**

Carol

"You know what I can't stand?" Rick sets his cup of rice and beans down on the table with unnecessary force. The sound echoes in the quiet of the cellblock. It's just him and I eating lunch today. Glenn and Maggie took Carl into town because he was getting restless and Beth volunteered to help Daryl on guard duty. That one surprised all of us, but she said she felt weird knowing some of us a lot better than others. I guess this is her idea of bonding though I doubt she'll get anywhere with Daryl. He's good at not talking when he doesn't have to. And Hershel found himself a particular lady friend among the Woodbury refugees that he couldn't stray away from today.

"What?" I ask Rick, setting my cup down much more gently.

"The way this world likes to screw with your head. I'm always so confused about everythin'. It just—it drives me crazy, Carol. It's been drivin' me crazy since the very beginning." He looks at me. "And I know I'm not the only one. This must sound so stupid, but I—" He stops, once again not allowing himself to unload any of his worries. Rick is so stubborn in that way, thinking that just because he's our leader that he shouldn't get to feel, that he isn't allowed the same human concerns as everyone else.

"You stop that." I put a hand on his arm. "Tell me what you're thinkin' about. The only thing making you crazy right now is yourself."

Rick sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess it's just that I feel like I'm at war with myself in my head. My thoughts are in a constant battle against each other. I keep tellin' myself that this is it, this is the way the world is and we have to get used to it. But then I tell myself that no, we got to move forward and get out of this place because those children need to grow up somewhere safe. But then I realize that we are somewhere safe and that maybe this should be our home. And yet there's the whole rest of the world out there. What about Europe and—and Africa? What happened to those people? Are they just like us or did they find something else?" He pauses to take a breath. "Carol we're going to die someday, whether it's from old age or walkers or even another human being. Carl already lost his mom and it's inevitable that he'll lose me. Or that I'll lose him. So why do we do this? Why do we fight so hard for somethin' that's going to end anyway? It's completely out of our control so why do we try? But then what kind of people would that make us if we gave up?" Rick pinches the bridge of his nose. "I can't sleep. Not without knowin' if this is all worth it or if when I'm gone, Carl—" he stops.

I grip Rick's arm firmly and look him in the eye. As much as those thoughts have plagued my mind as well, I have to give him some sort of peace. "Now I'm no therapist, and I certainly don't have all the answers."

"I know, Carol. I'm sorry I didn't mean to—"

"But," I say, cutting Rick's apology short. "There's one thing I do know. There are seven people, and one small baby girl, here right now, today, that love you. That need you. And if you pass tomorrow, we will be lost, just like I was lost when Sophia passed. But I'm still here. Even in the face of death, even when the world took my baby girl I pressed on. Life isn't meant to be easy. If it were, it wouldn't be worth it. And yes, it ends. But that never stopped anyone from loving somebody else. Even before all this, you and Lori had Carl out of love. You knew that one day you would both grow old and pass on, but you did it anyway. And you would be one sorry liar to sit here and tell me that it wasn't worth it. When you hold Judith next time, you remember what you're fighting for. Each life is precious, especially yours. There will never be a day when giving up is an option." At this point, I'm not even sure if what I'm saying is having an impact or even making sense, but I continue. "Nobody in the history of the world has life figured out. And it's not your job to. It's beyond all of us. So don't you dare put more weight on your shoulders than you already have. I will not sit by and watch you think yourself into oblivion." I finish, not sure what just came out of my mouth.

Rick doesn't say anything; he just puts his forehead on top of my hand on his arm. I don't realize he's crying until I feel the warm tears drip down my fingers. I rub his shoulder with my free hand, hoping I didn't just make things worse.

When Rick's shoulders finally stop shaking from his silent sobs, he looks up at me. "Thank you." His arms wrap around me and pull me into a fierce hug. "I think we would all float away without you as our anchor."

This is the first time I've ever felt as close to Rick. Both literally and figuratively. I'm relieved that he shared some of his worry with me and I hope that now he has someone to confide in. Maybe the world won't be so heavy on his shoulders anymore.

I run to meet Glenn, Maggie, and Carl when they return from their run into town. We've been going there more frequently as our already meager food supplies dwindle with the new strain of feeding the Woodbury refugees. I had the idea of starting a garden. We're going to be at the prison for the foreseeable future, so I figured growing some of our own food couldn't hurt. I asked for some seeds if they could find any. Maggie spots me and waves me over to the trunk. "Come and see what I brought back for you."

I jog over and survey the haul. Aside from various cans of food and miscellaneous items of clothing, I see four gallons of paint. There's also a couple of beaten up paintbrushes and an old tarp. I smile warmly at Maggie. "This is perfect."

I also asked Maggie to see what she could find in the way of painting supplies on their run into town. Judith deserves a proper nursery and I figure the first step is to paint the walls of the cell that she shares with Rick something other than grey. Of course I won't be able to keep it a surprise for long. The smell of paint will be obvious once I get started. And I'll also need to get Rick's permission to paint his cell.

"You didn't go to too much trouble to get this, did you?" I ask Maggie. I didn't want them to have to go out of their way just to indulge my hobby.

She grins. "Nah. And look what else I found." She hands over a few packets of seeds. "Lucky for you we ran into a home improvement store. Nobody had bothered with the paint, but the seeds were another story. I had to search high and low for those babies but I found them."

I give Maggie's shoulder a squeeze. "Thank you. This is wonderful."

"Are you gonna make Judith's room look nice?" Carl asks, eying the paint.

I nod. "And you're welcome to help whenever you're lookin' for something to do. But I want you to do what your daddy tells you first. This is more of a side project. There's plenty of more important things to be focusin' on."

Carl grins. "Cool." Then he's off, helping Glenn carry the rest of the supplies in.

"It's a good thing you thought about plantin' some," Maggie says as we carry the paint supplies to the cellblock. "Each time we go into town, we gotta look further and further. Pretty soon it won't be worth the fuel to drive there and back."

I sigh. "I hope the group doesn't mind cucumbers, radishes, and—" I squint to read the faded label on the third packet of seeds. "I can't tell what this one is but it looks like a picture of a carrot."

"Are you sure? That looks kinda like a beet to me."

"Well, you are the one that grew up on a farm."

Maggie chuckles. "If you need help, you best holler for me or Beth. I don't want you killin' what may be our only source of food."

"It's flattering how much faith you have in me," I say sarcastically.

I leave the paint cans along the wall of the cellblock along with the brushes and tarp.

"Hey Carol." Glenn makes his way over to me. "If you're looking to plant those seeds, you might want to try out back of the prison. Word is there's some fresh looking dirt back there. It'll be easier than having to clear all that grass out front."

"Thanks, Glenn." I give him a smile before heading that way.

I find the patch of dirt Glenn was talking about without a problem. It stands out against the patches of dry grass surrounding it. The area is much larger than I expected. There's certainly enough room to plant all of the seeds Maggie gave me, and then some.

"What are you doing young lady?" The deep male voice startles me. I turn around and find Mark grinning at me from the edge of the dirt.

I smile at him. "I'm planting a garden. We can't rely on the good luck of our runs into town forever."

He nods. "That sounds like a noble idea. However, why are you planting it back here? Why not out front where it's more accessible?"

"Look at all of this beautiful dirt." I gesture to the expanse before me. "I couldn't let it go to waste. Besides, I'd feel much more comfortable risking growing plants here than in that dry, cracked earth out front."

Mark walks over to me, careful not to step on the dirt. "It's better watered over here because this is where the runoff from the toilets goes."

I look down at the brown earth beneath my feet. It's not soggy and it doesn't smell. "Even better," I say. "Natural fertilizer."

Mark doesn't laugh. In fact, his eyes get a shade darker. "I think it would be better if you planted out front." There's no humor in his voice.

"Well unfortunately you don't get to make that decision," I say, not feeling all that friendly anymore. This is not the Mark I spoke to the other day. He runs a hand across his head. "You'll have to excuse me. I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't want you walking around in filth and being unaware of it." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

I nod. "Thank you for your concern." Then I turn and begin digging small holes with my fingers. I hear Mark's retreating footsteps and hope that his shift on guard duty will end soon. I don't want to feel his stare on my back.

I've never gardened before but it doesn't seem too difficult of a concept. Dig a hole, plant the seed, cover the seed, and repeat. The sky is beginning to darken with the promise of a rainstorm when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see who my visitor is and shriek. The greying flesh of the walker's fingers brushes my cheek as I turn. It's cold and damp. I feel an ice-cold pit form in my stomach. This is it. This is the end. I'm going to be a meal and that's it. Except the bite I'm expecting doesn't come. I turn ever so slowly to face the walker that's grabbed ahold of me, but I can't see what the hand connects to. In fact, it doesn't connect to anything. I shake it off my shoulder and it rolls onto the ground next to my feet. That's all it is then, just a hand. My eyebrows knit together in confusion as I stand up and whirl around. Daryl is standing right behind me. "Thought I'd give ya a hand." He smirks.

I smack his shoulder. "You—! I thought I was about to die! That's not funny, Daryl." But even as I say it, I feel the relief of the danger not being real flood through me. Daryl shakes his head at me. "Damn woman. For someone who likes to tell stupid jokes, you sure don't take 'em well."

I smack him again, but gentler this time. "You're such an ass," I say as a laugh escapes my lips.

"I take that as a compliment." He looks over at the garden. "The hell happened here? Rick said you was plantin'."

"I am," I say, frowning at the garden. It looks okay to me.

"Looks like somebody bombed us."

So maybe my rows aren't straight and there are holes where I dug to get more dirt to pack on top of the seeds. "Well I don't see you out here helpin'."

Daryl gives me a look. "You ain't sore about the walker hand, are ya? 'Cause I didn't think you'd piss your pants so easy." He tries to hold a straight face but his mouth twitches. "I was just tryin' to get you back for confusin' me all the time with your dumb jokes."

I wipe the sweat off my forehead. "You best be heading inside, Daryl Dixon. And next time you see me, you better pray that you're armed." I try to make my face look stony, but I can tell Daryl knows I'm not serious.

"Yes ma'am." He salutes, literally salutes, me and then turns around. And whether he knows it or not, I do believe Daryl Dixon just flirted with me.

Daryl

I'm in a good mood after gettin' the jump on Carol. I'd been lookin' for her when I saw her talkin' to that soldier boy. She looked all upset after and I figured I could cheer her up. Course I did it mostly 'cause it was funny as hell. Now I get why she tells me those stupid jokes all the time. Feels good to confuse the crap outta someone, especially if they don't get mad at you after. In fact, I'm feelin' so good that I don't mind it when Carl decides to follow me out huntin'.

"Are you gonna let me catch a squirrel today?" He tries to keep up with me. I want to get far into the woods today before I lose the light.

"You ever stop talkin' boy?" The way Carl's been runnin' his mouth I'm surprised we ain't dead yet from walkers followin' his voice.

"You know you'll have to let me try someday. You can't keep pretending that I still have stuff to learn."

"If you know what's good for ya, you'll stop bein' so smart." I still ain't seen any tracks, which means there's less squirrels runnin' around than the last time I went huntin'. That ain't a good sign. I remember that group Glenn and Carol passed 'bout a week ago when they went into town. I hope like hell that they ain't huntin' around these parts too. 'Cause there ain't enough to go around. And I don't like sharin'.

"You think Carol's gonna be my new momma?" Carl's dumbass question stops me. "She's been real kind to Judith and my dad. I think my dad likes her. And I'm not sayin' I would mind. Carol's real nice, but I don't think I want a new mom right yet. And then there's that Mark guy. I see him talkin' to Carol and he looks at her like my dad used to look at my mom kinda. So maybe her and dad won't get together but I—"

"Ain't nobody gonna replace your momma so shut up," I say. It's disturbin' how easily the boy has let go of his momma. It's almost like he expected Lori to die. And maybe we all did 'cause of that baby. We knew it wasn't gonna be easy and we didn't know if she was gonna survive. But damn, even I punched a wall when my daddy replaced my momma, even though my real one was a shit to begin with.

"Are you sayin' that because you don't want Carol to date my dad?"

Date? The hell is this kid talkin' about. "I don't give a shit who Carol dates. But it ain't gonna be anyone 'cause there ain't no damn dates durin' the fuckin' apocalypse!" Sometimes Carl's skull is so thick I bet my arrow wouldn't go through it.

"Have you ever been on a date?"

"The fuck do you care?" Seriously what is this boy's problem?

"I think people should date right now. Like Glenn and Maggie 'cept maybe less sex." He wrinkles his nose.

"Boy don't tell me you gone girly on me." Only girls talk 'bout this shit.

"I'm not girly!" He gets all defensive. "I'm just sayin'. Maybe if you went on a date you could get that log out of your ass." Carl freezes like he's just realizin' what just came outta his mouth. He looks at me, eyes all wide and shit. Then the dumbass takes off runnin'. Which was smart of him 'cause the little turd was disrespectin' me, but dumb as hell 'cause he's gonna be shit outta luck if he runs into walkers.

"Dammit, Carl! Come back here!" I chase after him.

I guess it ain't walkers I should be worried 'bout 'cause I find Carl alright, with a gun pressed to the side of his head. I take in the large man holdin' on to him. He's 'bout six foot six, wide as a semi, and he ain't smilin'.

"Drop your weapon," he says in a goddamn British accent. I put down my crossbow that was aimed at his face only 'cause he's got Carl. "You the sonofabitch who's been stealin' my squirrels?"

"We have to eat too. I do apologize for that though. And I apologize for this as well." I'm 'bout to ask what he's apologizin' for when the world goes black.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ahh okay I'm trying my best to remember all the details of the past three seasons but it's really hard so bear with me if I get them confused sometimes! I'm re-watching the show though, so hopefully that will help refresh my memory ;)**

**This chapter, I'm really going along with the fact that Daryl is so oblivious to women and to whatever feelings he has for Carol. I want to show how different their patterns of thinking are. And also, I'm finally moving the plot along. Yay!**

**Thanks for reading ;)**

_You never know what you have till you've lost it._

_-Alyson Noel_

Carol

The sunlight begins to fade and I stand up from my spot in the middle of the garden. I've been out here a good portion of the day, only stopping when Beth brought me something to eat. She gave me some constructive criticism in her quietly helpful way. I know a few people who would have been a lot less kind about how I had more or less smothered the plants with dirt.

"You have to sprinkle it on them, not pack it. If you pack the dirt on top it makes it harder for the plants to sprout," Beth explained, uncovering a seed and then demonstrating how to re-cover it.

"Beth you are a saint. I would have wasted all those seeds. Can you imagine if nothing grew because I suffocated the plants?"

"You should have started runnin' long ago if that was the case." Beth winks at me. In so many ways she is like her sister. They're both kind when it's needed, although Maggie is outwardly tougher than Beth. But I secretly suspect Beth has her own wild side. Maybe spending time with Daryl will bring it out.

I snap back to reality on that thought. I haven't seen Daryl since he gave me a heart attack earlier with the walker hand. It's getting dark and it's unlike Daryl to stay out past sundown, especially with Carl in tow.

I wander back inside the prison. Rick and Glenn are loading their guns. "What's going on?" I ask.

"Daryl and Carl are still out and the sun's about to set. We're goin' out to find them." Rick tucks his gun inside his waistband.

"I'm sure they'll find their way back. Probably Daryl went deeper into the woods than he anticipated." But even I don't quite believe my words. It's very out of character for Daryl to be out this late. He wouldn't worry Rick like this while Carl is with him.

"We're taking the car," Rick says, ignoring my consolation. "That way we won't get lost lookin' for them."

"Be careful," Maggie warns, kissing Glenn on the cheek. "And we'll see you for supper. Daddy's makin' mashed potatoes."

"I wouldn't miss those for the world." Glenn squeezes Maggie's arm and nods at Rick. "Let's head out."

I decide to busy myself with starting on Judith's nursery. I got Rick's permission earlier when he asked what the paint cans were for. When I told him about my idea, he just hugged me. The apocalypse sure does make people touchier.

I spread the tattered tarp out, keeping the parts that are worn through away from where any paint might drip. All Maggie could find were hand brushes. It'll take a bit of work without rollers, but these days I'm not about complaining.

Three of the cans of paint are mustard yellow. The fourth is a forest green. I grimace. Neither color is really something suitable for a baby. Inspiration hits me. I open the green can with some difficulty. Hershel had given me a long rusty nail in place of a screwdriver. I open a can of yellow paint and pour a small amount of green in. Then with the same rusty nail, I stir the paint, making a spring green color. It's much easier on the eyes and I'm delighted to still have retained some of my creative intuition. I set to work.

"We couldn't find them." Rick walks into the cell and sits on the bunk. The hours had slipped away from me and I hadn't expected them to be back so soon. I set my paintbrush down and take a seat next to Rick.

"How far out did you guys go?"

"Farther than we should have. We stopped every half mile or so and walked through the trees, but there was no sign of them. We're going out again as soon as it gets light." He puts his face in his hands. "Carol, I can't lose Carl."

I rub his shoulder. "You haven't lost him. Daryl probably knew they couldn't make it back before dark and found a place to stay the night."

"He shouldn't have gone so far with Carl in the first place. If he'd just thought of someone other than himself for once—"

"Enough," I say firmly. "Don't go blamin' this on Daryl. It's not his fault."

Rick looks up from his hands and nods. "You're right. Nothin' good is going to come from blamin' anybody. But I'm worried sick."

"I am too." I sigh. I have a gut feeling that Carl and Daryl are still out there, alive. But in what condition I don't know. I just pray they come home safe. I don't know what I would do if I had to watch Rick walk around without Carl. And if I lost Daryl—I won't let myself think about that right now. Not until I have to. But I can't ignore the sharp pain I feel in my heart at just the possibility. Daryl has been my friend, but not just that. He understands parts of me that I barely understand myself. And I think now I know that if I lose him, I will lose a part of myself.

"_Mom, how did you know when you loved dad?" I perch my coffee cup between my hands on top of my knee. The sun is just beginning to rise behind me. I look out over the ocean, breathe in its scent. Florida is so beautiful in the spring._

"_Well honey, I don't think I knew until I thought I'd lost him." My mom sits across from me in an old, wooden lawn chair. The white paint is peeling from being loved on for so many years. "You see there was this girl named Sue. She worked with your daddy at the park before we were married. Every day he would go and pick her up before work and drive her home at the end of their shift. Of course, I got jealous that they were spendin' so much time together. And this went on for some while before I finally got so angry I yelled at him. I asked him why didn't he just go off with her? Why did he have to schedule their work hours together all the time? Of course your daddy did just that. He packed up and left, sayin' he couldn't live with a crazy woman like me. That cut me so deep, I thought I'd never recover. Then I realized somethin'. I must be crazy in love with that man to feel so lost without him. I called him and told him that and we eventually worked things out. But I'll never forget that feelin' of losing him."_

_I'm silent for a while, thinking. My mom watches me closely. "Why are you askin'?"_

"_I think I love Ed."_

_She smiles at me. "Well he is a fine boy. But you ain't sure?"_

_I shrug. "Sometimes he does things that make me so angry, but then the thought of losing him scares me. Like if I lose him, I'll lose a part of myself."_

"_Well baby, that sure sounds like love to me."_

I open my eyes in the darkness. The sweet memory of being with my mother holds me tight and warms me. She always was my light at the end of the tunnel. I find a tear running down the side of my face and wipe it away. There's nothing I miss more in the world than her. I wonder why tonight of all nights that dream would come to me. That memory was from so long ago, before we knew what a monster Ed was. Then it hits me. Daryl. Where is he? It's not the fact that he's lost, but the not knowing if he's okay that's killing me. And it's killing me because I love him. I mean, of course I do. He's my friend. I love him just as I love Rick and Maggie and everybody else.

But suddenly that no longer feels like enough. It almost feels like a disservice to Daryl if I lump him in with the rest. He's always been the one who stood out to me, but just how far he stands I never realized.

I sit up and rub my eyes. It's very early morning at the latest, but I need to go for a walk. I need to clear my mind.

It's chilly outside and the cold shocks my system, waking me up fully. The moon is shining bright. It feels like we just had a full moon. Funny how quickly the months are passing now that we've found a place to rest. I walk along the inner fence. Glenn is on patrol of the outer and I wave at him so he knows I'm not a threat. He looks surprised to see me, but doesn't say anything. I continue on toward the back of the prison.

It's peaceful out, despite all that's going on in the world. Despite all that's going on in my mind. It feels like all the emotions that couldn't keep pace while we were on the move have finally caught up to me. When you're running from something like walkers it's easy to file all thoughts besides ones of survival away. I haven't felt this… human in almost a year. I stand in the moonlight and let the sensation take over.

Sofia's laughing face is brought to the front of my mind, a face I'll never see again except for in my memories. I let the crushing pain of that realization bring me to the ground. I can't breathe, but I'm not afraid. I knew that someday my newest demons would find me. The very thing I was trying to protect her from took Sofia from me. It's every parent's nightmare to outlive their children. They are the ones meant to pass down your knowledge and having that comfort makes death much less frightening. The day I realized Sofia would still be here long after I was gone, I accepted that I wasn't going to live forever. But she would always carry a part of me with her wherever life took her. Whatever path she chose, my blood would be in her veins, providing her with the life to carry on. Losing Sofia made death a harsh reality. Even more than watching people die from walkers. Those deaths were tragic of course, but nothing could prepare me for the complete emptiness I felt when Sofia was taken from me. If she hadn't run off, would she still be here with us, safe and sound? Carl would still have his closest friend and maybe he wouldn't be growing up too quickly. Or would Sofia have turned cold as well? No, I think to myself. There's no more room for what ifs, only for the present. And right now, Daryl is missing and I think I love him. I mean the kind of love where no matter how god awful the world has gotten, they are the one person who can make you feel whole again. He kept me together when Sofia passed. Now without him, I'm afraid of falling apart.

Daryl

I wake up tied to a fuckin' tree. Carl's next to me, still passed out. The back of my head hurts like shit. The big, British asshole is watchin' us with his gun pointed at my face.

"Where the hell are we?" I ask. It's dark and I can't see shit.

"Unfortunately, I cannot disclose our location to you."

I hear voices farther out in the woods. "Who else is with you?"

"I am sure you have many questions. But I cannot answer them at this time."

"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?" This prick is pissin' me off. "You think the apocalypse made you the fuckin' king or some shit? You were probably some guy's butler, kissin' his feet and wipin' his ass." I ain't stupid. I know sayin' dumb shit like that is gonna get me killed someday, but I don't think this guy has the authority to shoot me just yet.

"It would be wise of you to keep your mouth shut." He looks all calm, but I know I'm gettin' under his skin.

"Where are we?" Carl's awake, starin' at me with wide ass eyes.

"Ask Mr. Fancy Tits over here." I jerk my head at the man.

"You will address me as Commander Ryan," Fancy Tits says all huffy.

"My daddy's gonna find us!" Carl shouts. "Ain't that right, Daryl? Him and all the rest of them. They'll come lookin' for us and you'll be sorry. Asshole," he tacks on at the end. I bang my head on the tree behind me. Kid is dumb as rocks sometimes.

"There are more of you?" Fancy Tits looks us up and down. "I suppose it would be hard to believe that you two made it on your own. And this man is not your father?" He points to me.

"Hell no," we say at the same time. Carl makes a face.

"Interesting." Commander High and Mighty walks away, probably gonna go gossip with his little friends.

"You better watch your mouth, boy," I say to Carl. "You just gave away the rest of our group. Now they're gonna go lookin' for 'em."

"Shit." He struggles against the cables they got us tied up with.

"When the hell did you start cussin'? You leave that to me, that's my job."

Carl looks like he's 'bout to have a tantrum. "What do we do now?"

"Go for a fuckin' stroll. What do you think?"

Okay now he's really gonna have a hissy fit. His face gets all pinched. "This is my fault, huh?"

"Don't be stupid, boy. This ain't nobody's fault except Mr. Fancy's and whatever minions he's got out there. So we just gonna sit tight. They ain't killed us yet, so I'm guessin' they need us for somethin'. Might as well get comfortable."

"What about my dad? He's probably really worried. He's probably lookin' for us right now. What about Carol? I bet she misses you."

"Huh?" Boy pulls some strange things from his ass.

"She cried when you ran off with Merle. She thought you were gone forever. I bet she thinks that right now." He sighs. "Poor Carol. She already lost Sophia. I bet she has a hard time lovin' people 'cause they always die."

"We ain't gonna die. Now shut up." Sometime in the last month, Carl found out he likes movin' his mouth and he's gonna let everyone know 'bout it. But why the hell does he got to talk 'bout Carol like that? She ain't no pitiful excuse for a woman anymore. She's got fire. Ever since Ed bit it, she's been one hell of a fighter and I aim to tell her that next time I see her. 'Cause Carl's right. Woman's lost too much already and it's 'bout time someone said somethin' nice to her. Problem is, I'm still tied to this fuckin' tree.

"I changed my mind, Carl. I don't feel like sittin' here anymore."

He looks at me. "Okay. What's the plan?"

Shit. I forgot I'll be needin' one of those. "Give me a sec." I can't see more than five feet in front of us and the cables are too tight to try and scoot around. Unless…

"Carl, are we tied with the same cables?"

He looks down and nods. "I think so."

"I'm bigger than you, which means they ain't as tight on you. Can you move at all?"

He wiggles around. "Yeah, but not much."

"You gotta try and scoot around to the back of the tree. That's where they tied the cables. See if you can get your hands free and undo 'em."

Carl starts scootin' to the left. It's slow goin', but eventually he makes his way around the side of the tree, gruntin' like an animal.

"You alright? Sounds like you're takin' a shit back there."

He laughs. "Shut up, Daryl. Or I'll leave you here." The cables around my arms tighten suddenly, cuttin' off my blood flow. "Shit, Carl! What are you doin'?"

"Tryin' to get a grip on this knot! It's complex."

I snort. "Complex? You been goin' to school on the sly, boy?"

"My daddy wants me to stop talkin' simple." The cables slide on my arms, givin' me rope burn.

"Don't want you turnin' into a dumbass redneck like me."

"You ain't dumb, Daryl. You just don't speak real nice."

"Neither do you. You speak like shit."

"Don't get all butthurt."

"Your ass is gonna be the one that's hurtin' if you don't get that goddamn knot figured out."

It's silent for a minute while Carl farts around with the cables. Just when I think they're 'bout to cut through my arms, they fall off. "Good Lord," I say, rubbin' my rope burns. Carl appears in front of me. "Get up. We gotta go back." He starts walkin' away, but I grab the seat of his pants. "Sit down. We ain't finished here. I'm pretty darn sure this is the group y'all passed that one day. Now they ain't friendly and I don't want 'em findin' the prison. I'd send you back there 'cause it ain't safe here, but I don't know where the hell we are. So—"

"I do." Carl cuts me off. "I know where we are."

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"The stars. My daddy said the prison is right underneath those three stars right up there." He points to the sky above the tree. "If I follow them, I'll find the prison."

"I ain't trustin' your life to twinkly bits in the sky."

"Do you want me to stay here and get killed with you, or do you want me to go get help? I don't think they're gonna be too happy when they find out we escaped."

"So you'd leave me to die alone?"

Carl gives me an impatient look.

"Shit, kid," I say. "You know if you die, your blood is on my hands. Rick'll kill me."

"He won't have to. I know what I'm doin'."

"How 'bout walkers? You gonna tell me you can zap 'em with your lasers or some shit? Ain't no way I'm lettin' you go, especially in the dark."

Carl stamps his foot. "I'm goin'. You just gotta trust, Daryl. If there's ever a time where you just gotta let somethin' happen for better or worse, right now is that time."

Damn, he's gettin' all philosophical. Been spendin' too much time with Carol. I shoot a look into the dark behind me. It could be crawlin' with walkers. Carl could die on his way to the prison and I'd be stuck here, never knowin', waitin' for help that ain't gonna come.

"I got my gun," he says. "And my knife. I can do this. It's my turn to help the group. I'm tired of bein' the kid."

I sigh. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I'm gonna do it. I am gonna let that boy run off into the woods at night in the middle of the fuckin' apocalypse. Shit. "Go," I say. "Before I change my mind."

Carl nods and takes off into the night. I smack my forehead. The fuck did I just do?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I SWEAR THERE WILL BE CARYL SOON. I'm just building the story. It'll get there I promise! And when it does, it will have been worth the wait ;)**

**And before, I said I was leaving it where Merle was still alive, but I changed that. I went back and edited by chapters. Having him be dead is better for my plot!**

"_Many things are not as they seem: The worst things in life never are." _

― _Jim Butcher, White Night_

Carol

The dried grass of the prison yard digs into my cheek. I don't remember how I ended up on the ground, but it must have been all those sudden realizations that pushed me down. I'm not really sure how long I've been out here and I'm surprised Glenn didn't tell me to go back in. We all know the walkers become more active at night and it's easier when there aren't so many people outside to draw attention.

I hear the sound of footsteps approaching and turn, hoping to see Rick or another friendly face. Instead, it's Mark. He's looking down at me curiously, but the hostility I felt from him this afternoon is gone. "Carol—"

"I don't know what I'm doing on the ground," I say before he can finish. I stand up and dust myself off. I don't know why I'm suddenly so annoyed with everything. Maybe it's because I just spent the better part of the night sobbing into the dirt for stupid reasons. I'm blubbering because I had some strange idea in the middle of the night that I'm in love with Daryl. I haven't felt that weak since Ed was alive. It's selfish of me to be crying about Daryl like he's my own, like I have some sort of claim over him. He belongs to the rest of the group just as much and they'll be worrying about him all the same. Nobody else has run out into the night having a hissy fit about it. "Excuse me." I push past Mark, desperate to get back inside the prison before anyone else sees me embarrass myself.

"Carol, wait." Mark walks around me and stops in front of my face, blocking my path. "Please."

I fold my arms. I really am in no mood to be conversing with a handsome and mysterious man in the dark. I still feel slightly off to have had whatever passing feelings I did have for Mark.

"I owe you an apology. For the way I acted today."

"You already apologized. And I accept it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some sleep." I sidestep him, but he cuts me off again.

"I would like it if you would hear me out. I behaved very indecently today and I'm sorry. I've been on twenty-hour guard shifts. My partner hasn't been feeling well so I took over for him. It's been a long week and I did not have any right to take it out on you."

Mark's apology seems sincere, but something about his story doesn't sit right with me. "You should tell Rick. I'm sure one of us would be happy to help out until your partner gets better."

Mark nods. "That's an idea, but nobody is as familiar with the back of prison as us. I've memorized every tree. I know all the spots where an average sized human being can squeeze through. I think we'd be safer if I stayed on duty."

"Well you're not going to be much good if you're sleep deprived."

Mark smiles. And it's a smile that wipes all my concerns about the person he is away. He's been having a hard time, that's all. "If I agree to get some rest, would you agree to spend the morning with me? I think we would enjoy each other's company." I never noticed until now, but Mark has a slight British accent. It's very pleasant, along with several of his other physical aspects. I find myself nodding. "That sounds… nice." I won't be doing anything else today but worrying about Daryl. Rick will never agree to let me go out and search for him. Better to have something to occupy my time.

Mark meets me in our cellblock. Maggie sends me a sly smile as I'm walking away with him. I can feel everyone else's eyes on my back, can feel the looks they're giving each other. For some reason my new potential romance has caused a stir among the group. Perhaps it's because they want to see how I interact with a man who doesn't beat me. No, they would never be that shallow. I'm sure it's only excitement. We all took a bit of happiness from Maggie and Glenn's blossoming relationship. And now that they're engaged, whatever type of wedding they have will be something for everyone to get excited about.

Mark takes me to the front desk of the prison where prisoners would drop off and pick up their belongings. The lock on the barred door is rusted and after a couple of powerful kicks from Mark, it opens. He leads me around to the back room and pulls a dusty blanket from one of the shelves. He spreads it out on the floor between two rows of shelves against the wall underneath a window. I guess it could be called cozy by today's standards. Mark sits down and pats next to him. I sit. The blanket is cushier than I expected, but the dust tickles my nose. "This is very pleasant," I say.

"I would never have guessed a prison would have such a private area." Mark looks at me. "But I came across here while I was looking through the prisoner's belongings for supplies. Mainly weapons. These guys carried all sorts of dangerous items."

"How romantic." I tuck the curling ends of my hair behind my ears. It's growing out from the haircut Ed gave me. I hope that's a good thing since Axel thought I was a lesbian with my short hair.

"So what's your story?" Mark asks. "Where were you before all this?"

"I was your usual stay at home mom." I pause. I don't really feel like rehashing my life again, especially to Mark. He doesn't need to know all my dark parts. I just want him to know the person I am now, not the cowering woman I was before. "You know, it's not important anymore."

Mark shakes his head. "But your beginnings are what made you the person you are today."

"Do you really believe that? I think after the world went to hell, we all got a new beginning. Whatever we decided to become after that is what truly matters, not how it was before. If humans are good at anything, it's adapting."

"You have a very unique perspective on life. It's one of the things that drew me to you." He shifts closer to me. I feel a twinge of excitement in my stomach. I'm sure before all this, someone as tall, dark, and handsome as Mark wouldn't have batted an eyelash at me. But these days we have to settle for what we can find… and I happened to find someone beautiful and mysterious.

"And what were the other things?" I ask, finding myself closing the space between us the rest of the way.

Mark smiles down at me. "You have beautiful eyes." He touches my cheek. "Soft skin." I know I'm blushing now, but I soak it all in. Nobody has called me beautiful in a long time. "You radiate courage, yet you don't realize how attractive you are. There is something incredibly humbling about your demeanor. And something so luring about that pretty smile of yours."

"You sir, have a way with words." I give Mark what I hope is one of my prettiest smiles.

"That's not all I'm good at." Before I can ask him what he means, his lips are on mine. It's a new and freeing sensation to have someone kiss me so passionately. Ed's kisses were rough and often times painful. I shrink back a little when Mark wraps his arm around my waist. He notices and releases me. I sit back, catching my breath.

"I'm sorry," he says, breathing hard. "I hadn't expected to do that."

I chuckle. "Don't apologize. That was… exhilarating believe me."

He frowns. "Then what's the matter?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Carol. I know when a woman is giving me signals."

I realize I'm shrunk back against the wall as far away from Mark as I can be in this small space. "Oh." I place a hand on my chest. "It's just that it's been so long."

He nods. "I understand. Forgive me for not being more sensitive."

I'm about to tell him that it was a welcome change to be manhandled in such a romantic way when there are shouts from the front of the prison.

Mark stands up immediately and pulls me up. I follow him outside and my hand flies to my mouth when I see Rick stumbling blindly through the grass, holding a limp, bloodstained body. It's too small to be an adult. A choked noise escapes my throat when I see that it's Carl.

Daryl

We've been walkin' for fuckin' hours. When Fancy Tits found me untied and Carl gone, he realized he wasn't messin' with no dumbass. 'Course they tied my hands and blindfolded me so I can't see shit. I have no fuckin' clue where the fuck they're takin' me and I'm beyond pissed. I just wanna get the fuck back to the prison and tell Rick so we can kill these bastards.

Based on listenin' to these people talk 'bout stupid shit, I'm guessin' there's six or seven of 'em includin' the British asshole. He keeps givin' me updates like a damn GPS. "Only a few more miles. Then we can get this whole matter settled."

A few more miles 'til what? They better not fuckin' kill me. I'll haunt their asses. I ain't gonna ask though. I ain't gonna talk until they make me.

The person leadin' me stops. Someone undoes my blindfold and I see that we're in front of a very big log cabin lookin' buildin'.

Fancy Tits takes me in through the front door. It's dark inside the cabin even with the mornin' sun shinin'. He still hasn't told me shit 'bout where he's takin' me. But when I go through a door he opens for me, I ain't got no more questions.

"Daryl." His ugly voice makes my skin prickle. I start seein' red.

"You sonofabitch! You killed Merle! You killed my brother!" I run at the Governor, but Fancy Tits holds me back.

"He was already dead! A man who turns his back on his leader is no man at all." The Governor steps around the fancy ass desk he was standin' behind. "But you're still a man, aren't you Daryl?"

"You murderin', lyin' piece of shit." I struggle against Fancy Tits. I wanna put my hands around his neck beat the life out of his fucked up head.

"Now that's no way to talk to me. I could have you killed, shot in the face like your traitor brother. But I'm not going to do that. Not yet." He gets closer to me. "You see Rick will be wanting you back. And he and I have some unfinished business. He turned my army against me and kidnapped the rest of Woodbury."

"He didn't do shit. Your people realized what a psychopath you are."

The Governor laughs. "They're delusional. What they need is a strong leader, a man. Rick is weak and they will realize that soon enough. I already have people on the inside." He stops and looks me up and down. "Maybe I've said too much."

I think of all the people in the Woodbury cellblock. Which ones are just pretendin', waitin' for the right moment? It could be one person or it could be all of 'em. I feel sick thinkin' of all the time Carol has been spendin' with 'em. She finally got somethin' to be happy about and it ain't even real. "You got that little group as a go between, huh? People to pass information from your little spies to you."

"Well done, Daryl. I'm always surprised at how much smarter you are than you look. Imagine how excited I was when they told me they found you."

I spit at him. I'm tired of this prick treatin' me like a fuckin' animal.

"I've had enough of this. Lock him up, Commander Ryan."

Fancy Tits drags me away and puts me in a dark room with no windows. I'm mad as hell. I hate bein' caged up and not knowin' shit. I fuckin' let Carl go off without me. He's as good as dead for all I know. Rick'll be pissed if anythin' happens to him. He'll be pissed anyway that I let him go. Carol's gonna be pissed too. I don't know why, but for some reason I feel like me runnin' off and not comin' back is gonna make her mad. 'Cause every time I come back from huntin' or whatever she's gotta give me one of those smiles. But there ain't nobody to smile at today. Shit. As if I ain't got enough holes I already dug myself into. It's exhaustin' havin' people depend on you. No wonder Rick went bat shit crazy.

"_Momma?" The house is dark and quiet. Usually my momma's yellin' at my daddy for somethin' or he's got the TV on. Not today. _

_I'm lookin' for her 'cause when I'm around her, my daddy don't beat on her as hard. He's a real shit but I think the tiny sliver of his soul that still exists keeps him from lettin' his children watch their mother get beat. Or maybe he gets off on beatin' us one at a time. Keeps the fun goin'. Either way, I don't want my momma gettin' hurt even if she's drunk off her ass and won't feel nothin' anyway. She didn't used to drink. Or smoke. My daddy hit on her one night when he came home and she just shut down. Turned into an alcoholic prick just like him. At least she still got the decency not to lay a hand on her own children. _

_Merle ain't around. He's off doin' somethin' stupid with his dumbass friends. He don't leave me alone with my daddy, but when momma's home he'll go out._

"_Daryl? Come give momma a kiss." Her voice is all slurred and I find her in her bed. There's so many bottles around her that I can't hardly get to the bed. I climb on it and sit next to her. "Baby you know what I do for you, right? I stay here with your daddy 'cause I love you." She kisses my forehead. "Can you do momma a favor? Go down to the drugstore and get me a new pack of lighters. I'm all out baby and I'm feelin' down tonight." She pulls a cigarette out of the mattress. "Could use a little pick me up."_

_I take the money she gives me. The man at the drugstore has sold cigarettes to Merle before and he's only twelve. I think he feels bad for us, knows we ain't goin' home to no lovin' family. _

_It's a long walk to the store. My feet are hurtin' by the time I get there. But I ain't gonna start whinin' now. I buy my momma her lighters and start on back. It's gettin' dark and the woods next to me start lookin' less friendly. A truck goes past me on the dirt road. A cigarette butt lands near my shoe. I kick at it and it rolls onto a dry leave and starts smokin'. I step on it right quick. Ain't nobody needs a fire today._

_I'm almost home when I smell the smoke. I turn around, thinkin' I didn't do a good enough job puttin' out that cigg back on the street. But there's a cracklin' sound in the direction of my house. I walk towards it. I start runnin' when I see the orange through the trees._

_It's on fire. The whole fuckin' house. "Momma!" I shout, runnin' toward the flames. "Where you at, momma?" She ain't outside. The top floor of the house crashes down, shootin' burnin' pieces of wood out at me. "No!" I shout, realizin' that my mom is still inside._

_The firemen said the house burned down 'cause of a lit cigarette bein' dropped. But that ain't true is it? 'Cause momma was out of lighters._

_But she lied. She told me to go and get her some 'cause she didn't want me in the house. She wanted to end it. And boy did she._

I wake up when someone kicks me in my back. "Wake up! Governor's going to be back soon. You better get out of here."

"The hell?" I roll over and find Martinez holdin' a gun out to me.

"Take this with you."

I take the gun and stand up. "What? No crossbow?"

"I'm not taking requests. Now get out." Martinez pushes me toward the door.

"Thanks man," I say. Martinez gives me a nod. I ain't gonna stay around and give him a chance to change his mind. I stick the gun in my waistband and find my way outta the cabin. Ain't too many people on guard, but I ain't surprised. The Governor killed off everyone else who was workin' with him.

It's dark outside. I musta slept a long time. I can't see two feet in front of me so it's slow goin'. I'm not even sure where the fuck I am, but I find that star Carl told me 'bout. I feel like a damn Indian, followin' nature.

That dream 'bout my momma threw me off. I don't like thinkin' 'bout her. It sucks knowin' that she killed herself 'cause of my daddy. He changed her. If she didn't meet him, she'd be here doin' somethin' else with her life. It makes me think of Carol. What the hell would she be doin' now if she was still stuck with that asshole Ed? I feel sick thinkin' 'bout it. I decide then, out in the Georgia wilderness, that if I do one thing before I die, it'll be makin' sure Carol ain't ever gonna be stuck with a man like my daddy again.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello! Thank you guys for sticking with this story. I love all of you for reading. I seriously wouldn't have a reason to write this without you guys. I apologize for the insane amount of cussing in my last few Daryl parts. I just felt like that's how he expresses his anger. **

**So I know I haven't exactly been fruitful in the whole Caryl aspect, but I have far from forgotten them! I think it's going to create a good atmosphere between them with Mark now in the picture. And by atmosphere I mean sexual tension, of course. Because who doesn't like sexual tension?**

**Okay I'm going to stop now before I get super awkward.**

**Sorry it took so long to get this one out! I've been in California, soaking up the sun :)**

**As always, enjoy ;) And thanks for reading!**

_Yeah, we're fucked!_

_-Guns N' Roses, Since I Don't Have You_

Carol

I can't stop staring at the drops of blood trailing behind Carl on the cement as I hurry after Rick. Mark went ahead to warn the others and to give Hershel time to prepare. Carl's head hangs over Rick's arm, bouncing unconsciously as we run down the halls.

"Please no. Please God no," Rick mumbles over and over. I can see the cracks forming in his composure as we near the cellblock.

"What the hell happened?" Maggie asks, running over to us. She looks down at Carl and gasps. "Oh Jesus. Daddy!"

Hershel crutches over to us, his face a mask. I've noticed he keeps himself very distant from the task at hand when he's taking care of people. It's almost as if he sets his emotions aside so he can get through it. I'm jealous. That would be an ideal skill for all of us.

"I cleared a bed in one of the cells. Follow me."

Rick carries Carl to where Hershel tells him. We all follow. "Is he bit?" Beth asks, carrying in medical supplies. She's become a real fine young lady with helping her father out.

"I don't know." Rick's voice is ragged.

"Alright then," Hershel says, beginning to remove Carl's clothes to get a better look at the damage. "Clear out. I can't work with y'all crowdin' us." He looks at Rick. "You too, son. I'll do the best I can, but I can only do that with peace and quiet."

Rick hesitates, staring at Carl. "Come on," I say. I take his arm and more or less drag him out of the cell. Mark is no longer in the cellblock. I guess he left to give us space.

"Carl— " Rick chokes out before he collapses against the wall. I sit next to him and pull his head to my shoulder. I don't notice the tears running down my own face until they drip on my hand on Rick's head. "Don't think about nothin'," I say. "You just breathe."  
Rick clings to my arm with what I know is his last bit of strength. If Carl passes that will be it for him.

What happened to him? And where is Daryl? My heart clenches painfully in my chest. He never would have left Carl alone unless he knew it was going to save his life or unless he was…

And suddenly I know it. Daryl is dead. There is no other explanation. I can feel it in my deepest parts. I don't expect my own sobs to be louder than Rick's, but they echo all around us. Maggie joins me on my other side and Glenn sits next to Rick. Hands find shoulders and other hands. We become an entanglement of grief and tears, holding each other together. Baby Judith joins our cries and I remove myself from the pile to comfort her, leaving Rick sandwiched between people who aren't breaking apart themselves. I carry Judith upstairs into one of the empty cellblocks. Rick and I don't need each other right now. In this moment, when we are grieving for two very different things I know I need to be alone.

"Sh," I say through my tears to both Judith and myself. "You're alright. Lil' Asskicker." I choke on the words as they come out. How am I supposed to do this without Daryl? _You asshole_, I think. _Makin' me care and then leaving me alone like this. _How am I supposed to get through tomorrow if Daryl isn't a part of it? Did it really have to take his death to drive home the point that me being in love with him isn't just a stupid late night idea? I should have known it all along. I should have made it happen when he was alive. I don't care if Daryl never thought twice about me that way; I could've at least tried. I was too afraid to lose our friendship. But I'd rather have him walking around hating me than dead. Anything but that.

Judith calms down after a while, but the rest of the cellblock is in shambles. Hershel is still with Carl and Rick has taken it upon himself to shout all the mean things he has to say at him. "Why won't you let me see him? He's my son! I should be in there, not you! You'll just kill him! You couldn't even save Lori!"

Maggie sent Glenn out to go on watch, telling him we don't need walkers thrown into this mix as well. After I tuck Judith in, I find Maggie on the stairs. She grabs my hand when I sit down next to her.

"Daryl's dead," I whisper.

"Don't you say that." Maggie squeezes my hand. "Nothin' good is going to come from you talkin' like that. Carl mighta run away from him. He's probably out there now, lookin'—"

"Don't bullshit me, Maggie. He's gone. I can feel it." A tear falls down my cheek. "And there's nothin' to do about it now."

Maggie lets go of my hand and turns ninety degrees to look at me square on. "Who are you and what have you done with Carol? The Carol I know wouldn't give up on him so fast."

"I'm not giving up on him. I'm lettin' him go."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. We don't give up on the people we love. And don't you start that nonsense with me, you're givin' up on him and you know it." She stares me down.

"You're right," I say finally. "And I do love him, Maggie."

"I know you do." She puts her arm around my shoulders.

"No. I mean I _love_ him."

"I know you do," she says again, giving me a look. "Everyone knows but Daryl. And everyone but Daryl knows that he loves you right back."

I'm crying again. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Fine. When he gets back here you can ask him yourself."

Yesterday, that would have sounded completely irrational. Right now, I know that if I see Daryl again, the first thing I'm going to do is show him just what he means to me.

Hershel emerges from the cell what seems like hours later. Rick seems to have used up all his words and is sitting dejectedly right outside the cell. As soon as Hershel comes out, he jumps to his feet. "Is he gonna be okay?"

Hershel puts a hand on Rick's shoulder. "For now. Boy must have gotten into the river somehow and got pulled into the current. I found a lot of silt in his wounds. And he was mighty beat up by those river rocks. I cleaned and stitched up what I could. Luckily he doesn't look like he lost too much blood. Where'd you find him, son?"

"I—" Rick struggles to speak. "I found him about a mile out while I was lookin' for him and Daryl. He was just lyin' there in the grass." He puts his face in his hand. "I thought he was dead. In that moment I truly believed it."

"Alright now. That's enough. Your boy is goin' to be fine. You just need to rest easy so you can be there for him when he wakes up."

The tension in the room all but disappears at Hershel's words. I feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but another heavier one is still there.

"Where do you think Daryl ended up?" Maggie voices my thoughts.

Rick sighs. "I don't know. He wouldn't have left Carl alone like that on purpose."

"I think we should wait until Carl wakes up, so he can tell us himself," Beth says, in one of her seldom moments of speaking out.

I nod. "That sounds like a good idea. Rick, you need to rest."

He shakes his head. "I'm alright, Carol. I'm going to go sit with Carl."

"I think now is as good a time as any to get dinner goin'." Beth wanders off to storage.

"Is it already that late?" Maggie sighs.

I look outside, surprised to find that it's already getting dark. "The days are getting shorter. Winter must be coming."

Dinner is quiet. We're all waiting. For Carl to wake up, for Daryl to come back, for this latest nightmare to end.

Daryl

Problem with stars is, they go away durin' the day. The Governor's new digs are a lot farther from the prison than I thought. Shit, I'm not even sure if I'm goin' in the right direction. All the stars look the same and soon, I can't see 'em at all. The sun ain't as hot anymore, which is good and bad. I ain't sweatin' like crazy, but it's gonna start gettin' cold one of these days.

I can't focus real good. I ain't eaten in a while and there's no more squirrels around thanks to the Governor and his new posse of assholes. The stars are gone now and I'm gonna be shit outta luck in a few hours. No water, no food.

I stop to take a piss on a tree. I hope that ain't really apple juice that's comin' outta me. My body don't feel right. My fingers are tinglin' and my face feels hot even though it's barely even warm outside. And why the fuck do all the trees got fuzzy edges?

I try to step forward but my legs ain't workin'. I fall right on my face. "Shit." Well I ain't army crawlin' all the way back to the prison. And they ain't gonna find me out here. I can either lay down and die or get my sorry ass up and keep goin'.

"Baby brother! The hell are you doin' on the ground?" It's Merle. His face is in front of mine. Except I know it ain't really him 'cause that bastard shot him. Must be imaginin' things. Just like I did when I was lookin' for Sophia.

"Get up little man! You're actin' like a bitch."

"Shut up, Merle." My voice sounds off, like my tongue ain't workin' right neither.

"You think Rick and all those pussies are gonna come lookin' for you?" He's right. Even if Carl made it back, he ain't gonna know where they took me.

"Goddammit." I'm sick of Merle bein' smarter than me. Even in my head.

I push offa the ground. My arms are actin' like noodles but I get up.

"Daryl?" I look up at the sound of her voice.

Carol is standin' a little bit away. "Carol?" My voice ain't connected to my body no more.

"Daryl." Her face looks relieved. "I thought I wouldn't see you again." It sounds like Carol, but there's somethin' ain't right 'bout it. Her voice sounds all flat, like she don't mean what she's sayin', or she don't care.

"Come here. I missed you." She don't move, just stands there waitin'. I'm standin' but my legs are shakin' so bad I can hardly walk.

"It's gonna take me a minute. You just gonna stand there?" I don't wanna be mean to Carol. I know she's worried, but shit do I really gotta do all the work? I'm half dead.

I'm sweatin' like mad when I finally reach her. She smiles but it don't look right. Her face is all… shiny.

"There you are." She reaches out to touch me, but her fingers hurt. They're stingin' my arm. They feel like… bark.

Suddenly, Carol's gone and I'm huggin' a tree. What the hell? I push offa it. I gotta get back to the prison. Gotta tell 'em 'bout the Governor. Gotta move. Move, Daryl. Move your sorry ass.

I feel like I been walkin' forever but I ain't got anywhere yet. There's too many people shoutin' at me. "Shut up." I tell 'em to, but they don't listen. I'm so tired. Tired of listenin' to their bitchin' and whinin'. Tired of my eyes stingin' from sweat. Carol walks up to me and slaps me. Rick shoots me in my leg. Carl tosses a squirrel to me but it turns into a rock. Then they all disappear back into the trees. But I can still hear 'em. "Shut up."

There's a red puddle ahead. I reach it and stare down. It don't look like no puddle I ever seen. It's all patchy. Looks like blood.

My mind tries to say somethin'. But all those voices ain't gonna let it. "Shut up," I tell 'em. Gotta think.

The puddle… it is blood. A whole lot. It smears away to the left. I follow it with my eyes. There's more and more. It just keeps goin'. I gotta follow it. Maybe somethin' got bit and got away. It'll be food. I'm gonna eat that sorry bastard. He didn't get so lucky. The blood gets smaller 'til it's just drips. Shit. I'm gonna lose the trail soon.

I'm so fuckin' tired. I don't get how I made it this far. I ain't gonna make it much longer. The voices turned into a buzzin' sound in my head. It's makin' me sick, all that noise. I try to tell 'em to shut up again, but I puke instead. My head clears after that. Like I got rid of somethin' nasty that was blockin' my thoughts.

The blood trail ends 'bout a half mile later. But I don't need it no more. I know where I am. I see the prison right as my leg starts hurtin' somethin' awful. It's stingin' and bleedin'. I don't bother lookin' at it. I'll get the old man to when I get to the prison.

"Daryl's back!" Glenn's screechin' like a hyena and tryin' to open the gate at the same time.

"Shut up boy. These walkers ain't gonna leave me alone if you keep barkin' like that." A couple of the bastards start walkin' toward me. I get let in before they reach me.

"Good to have you back!" Glenn slaps my shoulder. It knocks me off balance. My head's startin' to feel all wrong again. "You alright?" Glenn asks, givin' me a steadyin' hand.

"I'm fine. Leave me be." I start walkin' toward the prison entrance.

"Daryl!" Now that sounds like her real voice. That's Carol. I start walkin' toward it, but my eyes are goin' dark. Somethin' warm covers the front of my body. It's breathin' hard in my ear. "Thank God. I thought you… I thought…" I think she's cryin' but I can't tell. The world is gone. And I ain't breathin'.


End file.
